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The title of this post may not be entirely accurate, but it has some truth to it. There are some things I am afraid of, just like everyone else… but I started thinking about a hypothetical situation that would likely take the joy out of my life, and I thought it would be an interesting scenario to share.

What if I was forced to be negative or lose everything? What if I could only spread lies and rumors about others, and mock them constantly? What if I was destructive in every way, and my only other option would be death?

My existence would be without beauty, without creativity and without positive influence. I would be unable to do anything kind, and worst of all, I could not love.

I am extremely thankful that this not realistic… but I have to think about the negative that I do choose to support in my life. What is it doing to me and to others?

The more time we take to oppose, the less time we have to support.

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I haven’t been on here in quite a while obviously, and since I finally got myself a little time to type, I’m simply going to free write… so here goes.

Today is one of those times I think about how blessed I am and wonder what I did to deserve it.  It’s been a tough week in some aspects, and yet easy in others.  I don’t know if I can handle what is coming, and yet I am happy with the direction my life is headed.  I feel I’m finally moving toward what I was meant to do, and I want to approach all aspects of my life with my very best.

It’s not all fun and games, but from someone who has felt overwhelmed quite a bit, I can tell you that things do get better if you persevere.

If you have to, please just give it one more day, and then remember this sentence the day after.

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No beating around the bush: Did a negative attitude cause you to gloss over a positive, defining event that would have proven so many negatives wrong in your mind?

It might not be easy right now… I don’t know your situation. All I am asking is that you be watchful for those positives that prove to you that it’s not all bad… and then hold on to them.

Life may not be all fun and games, and you shouldn’t ignore your responsibilities… but your perspective will often dictate how much light you see.

May you rise to the sun soon.

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I earlier mentioned I would sometimes talk about one of my favorite hobbies, and that is video games!  Today I want to talk about one of my favorite games of all time, Mirror’s Edge.

Mirror’s Edge is a free running game where you play as Faith, a runner who finds herself mixed up in a crime in a city known for the silencing of those speaking out against authority.  I don’t really appreciate the “rail against the system” message, so much as the amazing visual and auditory vocabulary the game uses.  You are running through a stark city, with splashes of color, looking for the next rail, the next ledge, the next path to reach.  Faith is often being chased, and there are so many moments of split second thought, a calm before the storm, a moment of uncertain serenity that you wish could be captured and examined, but it passes all too quickly.  As a person who is constantly trying to find his way through endless trails of thoughts, I know a simple vocabulary can not only calm my mind, but even speak a powerful wordless message to me.  A picture might be worth a thousand words, but a timeless experience is quite often worth more words than can be conceived.

This isn’t about being obsessed with a video game, but it is instead about recognizing and appreciating the elements that help create a masterpiece.  Mirror’s Edge is by no means perfect, but I believe it has several elements that an excellent piece of video game artistry should have.

Not expecting a “game review” like this?  Welcome to my blog. 🙂

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Christians: a million voices in this world will tell you what you ought to be, indirectly or directly.  I think you know exactly what I mean.

Just make sure you’re checking your handbook, too.

Will you accept the following words for yourself, or will you immediately picture another person who you think is more sinful than you?

Romans 12:3 “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.”

Proverbs 17:27 “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.”

Psalm 11:5 “The LORD examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, he hates with a passion.”

Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

Proverbs 8:13 “To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.”

I’m only saying what is on my heart, not what is always in it.

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Last but not least, J for Judging!  A person with the Judging preference will enjoy a more structured lifestyle.  They won’t have as much fun jumping into an unplanned event as someone else.

In my life, judging is apparent in my organizational style, and in how I like to enjoy my free time and in my work.  I find that with a certain level of planning, life can be more fun and convenient.  Admittedly, judging is my weakest preference out of all four, so I am not a total stick-in-the-mud. 😛  However, to seriously believe this preference is just about being a stick-in-the-mud is a narrow view.  Judges can have very insightful reasons for having a bit more rigid standards.  When utilized in a healthy way, this view can even help keep a person safe through a certain degree of caution.

I may use intuition to arrive at not-so-factual conclusions and I may act on my feelings at times, but this doesn’t mean I don’t know where my actions are taking me.

This is why my blog is called Delusive Chaos.  It may seem that I do things that don’t quite make sense, or I say things out of order, or I don’t follow every rule out there… but there is always a reason for it.  Don’t be deluded by the chaos that can so easily hide a simple truth.

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The third letter of my typing is F for Feeling.  A feeler is more likely to apply feelings and sentiments to their decisions and systems of thought than hard facts or logic.  This doesn’t mean they aren’t logical at all or that they always act on their latest whim, but that they often center their conceptions around the human experience as opposed to a set of measurable rules.

The first and most obvious evidence of me being a feeler (at least in my writing) is my language.  I may not follow every grammatical convention, and my sentences may not always line up in a technical way, but I would rather convey what I want to say rather than adhere to every rule.  I am also prone to making decisions based on how I feel at the time, and will ignore what might seem like the best option if I just don’t want to.  This can be good when it comes to being merciful, but other times it can just mean more work for me.

For example, I might park my car near the back of a parking lot because I don’t want to drive near people walking, even when there are plenty of spaces in the front.  Many people would say that I should just take a space up front because it is a shorter walk, but I don’t always care about that.

Being a feeler appeals to me because I believe there is an exception to every rule.  I don’t think it is right to label everyone an idiot.  I think a corporation can be a great idea.  I also believe in second chances.  I hope I’m getting my point across.

Stay tuned for the final installment… Judging!

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The next letter of my MBTI is N, for Intuition.  One way to look at this letter is that it is the primary way a person obtains and processes information.  A person who’s primary function is Intuition will often look at the meaning or implications behind something rather than its physical characteristics when processing information.

When I think of why my preference is intuition, I realize that I often lose interest over details of the day, or specifics about things immediately in front of me.  This can sometimes be bad if I am in a conversation and others are talking about specific events, especially about the past.  However, I think somehow I have always believed that it isn’t that I can’t pay attention to these details, but I often feel like they are a waste of time and energy to know.  Certainly, critical information is important, and remembering specific details about past events can help you enjoy your memories, but it is very often the surrounding specifics that my brain is wired to ignore, such as how long I waited in the airport before flying to Washington D.C., or the exact name of the auditorium in which I graduated with my Bachelor’s Degree.  If I know pretty much what happened, that is nearly always good enough for me. Yes, even for past life lessons.  I don’t really care about what I ate last Thursday for lunch, or what day the weatherman said it was going to be cloudy this week.  On the scale of things, I’d really rather spend my energy discovering what things aren’t seen, like how to better live my life or improve the quality of life for others.

I am not ignoring the benefits of information based on present reality, but I feel like there is so much more we could be understanding in this life than what is in front of us.  I mean if it’s in front of us, why does it need to be talked about?  I guess I view a lot of it as information that should be known well enough already.   It’s like memorizing an encyclopedia when you could just put it on a shelf and look something up when you actually need it.  Even so, ask any of my friends and they’ll tell you I love to learn and usually have quite a bit to share when asked.  I think I’ve proven my point.

I don’t know that I actually think my view is the best, but I did want to explain why it makes the most sense to me.  I hope you take my words with a grain of salt… even I’ll probably only remember the main idea until I come back and read this again.

Next up is F for Feeling.  Read it if you want, I don’t care. 😛

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I was thinking about my Myers-Briggs personality typing recently (look up Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or Jung if you’re interested) and I decided I wanted to explore my four letters and what the mean to me, and offer a simple explanation of the letters.  For the record, my type is INFJ.

The first letter in my typing is I, for Introversion.  When I take personality tests, I actually consistently test heavily toward the introvert side, and if you know me in person, you would not be surprised at that, lol.   In essence, introversion means you gain your energy from things like introspection and being alone.  It doesn’t mean you don’t like hanging out with people, but in my experience, introverts appear to be more withdrawn (notice I said appear.)   I enjoy my friends very much, and in fact, I love spending a lot of time with my closest friends.  However, I find I get drained much faster doing the same activity if I am less comfortable around the people involved.

I enjoy activities as much as the next person, but many people think I am not enjoying myself because my outward appearance seems to be more reserved.  I also find I don’t need as much stimulation as other people might, so loud or in your face entertainment gets obnoxious faster for me.

As an introvert, a few things I want people to understand are that I know what I like and I will tell you when I want to join in on something, so you don’t need to ask me.  If I’m at an event, it’s because I chose to be there, so don’t worry if I’m having fun.  Also, if I really am not OK, you will know for sure because it will be much more obvious or I’ll begin talking about it… but almost always I’m just enjoying my surroundings and taking it all in at my own pace. 🙂

Next up, N for Intuition!  Don’t miss it! 😛

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For a while now, I have called myself a “gaming enthusiast” because my enjoyment of video games doesn’t simply end at a few select titles that I rave over and ignore all of their faults.  I see games as an art, and I can appreciate quality even when I don’t like a game, or when my views conflict with the game.

I’ll post periodically about games here, and post short comments or stories about one of my favorite past times. Watch for updates! 🙂